Who We Are and Who We Become
by ilcb
Summary: This story explores dark issues experienced by the GG characters it is also a love story with Chuck and my own character even though I am loyal to chair i had to in order for the story to make sense
1. Chapter 1

Who We Are and Who We Become 

_This is my first Fanfiction so please be nice. This story is dark and tragic in some ways and is a love story between chuck and my own character and although i am a huge chair fan i had to create my own character to fit into the plot. This fic will deal with many dark issues you have all be warned some chapters have been pre written but i have to edit them it is rated mostly T but later chapters will change to R _

_I do not own Gossip girl or its characters except for Gracie_

_CHAPTER 1)_

Blair Waldorf slowly looked around her surroundings of her perfectly organised room and sighed sadly as the silent tears continued to stream down her porclein face. Blair didn't understand how this could have happend to her again she was doing so well but then again her whenever her mother did come into the picture she would fall hard against the porclein bowl and shove two perfectly manicured fingers down her throat. Sighing and falling against one of her many pillows Blair thinks on why it must be like this, why? must her mother control and critisise every single thing she does, why did her father have to leave her for a gay lover? why did her boyfriend have to sleep with her best firend? these are the many thoughts that run through Blairs mind 'its me she thinks to herself I'm not perfect enough for them. Although she has forgiven both Nate and Serena after Serena apologised her heart out and besides they have been best friends since they were in diapers. And Nate expressed his undying love for her and that he couldn't live without her, seriously whats a girl to do? and things with her and Serena couldn't be better, she's now with cabbage patch although Blair doesn't completly approve of him because he is from Brooklyn but deep deep down she has developed a soft spot for him maybe it was after he had that little chat with her after her mother chose Serena over her for her photoshoot and Serena does seem to be happier than ever. Her own relationship with Nate is going strong although they are recently not on speaking terms as they had a heated argument over the fact that he has become very distant lately and whenever Blair would question or ask him if anything was the matter he would snap and yell, 'he is so unlike Nate right now' she thinks to herself UGH!!

Silently cursing herself for having a Elenaor Waldorf meltdown. Blair slowly sat up and looked for her phone deciding she needed to talk to someone to make her forget. Scrolling through her contacts Blair scrolls through various names Serena- shes probably busy with Cabbage Patch Nate- no way she is not ready to face him yet Chuck- Probably busy screwing some bimbo Gracie a small smile crept over Blairs face, Gracie Heloise was apart of the non judging breakfast club and one of Blairs closest friends regardless of the fact that she wasn't apart of the Upper East Side Elite and was born into a middle class family who resided in chelsea. Blair would never be caught dead being friends with someone who wasn't apart of prominent money, Gracie was different over the years she had proven to be a loyal friend and Blair got to see her for herself and she was grateful to her. Gracie attended Constance with Serena and Blair and was on a Dance Schorlaship as Ballet was Gracie's passion and she was very talented if Blair should say so herself. Blair, Serena, Nate and Chuck had seen Gracie Perform and all agreed that she had unique talent and would someday make something of herself.

Blair enjoyed Gracie's company she is a crossover between Blair and Serena she could be free spirited, spontaneous and down to earth however she could also be stubborn and she was a proud girl to the outside one would wonder why a girl like Gracie would be proud but her friends knew that it was because of her values and morals she was also a girl of class which is something money cannot buy and was poised with every single movement she did. Besides all of this Blair thinks that she is a wonderful himan being all together and is glad that she has a trusted friend that is not caught up in the upper east side gossip although she is a main target for Gossip Girl simply from her association with the non judging breakfast club. Yes Blair thinks to herself she can always count on Gracie.


	2. Chapter 2

_DISCLAMER: I do not Own Gossip Girl _

_Chapter 2:_

Gracie Heloise, pushed open the doors of her ballet studio and was met with the crisp New York breeze 'I love New York' Gracie thinks to herself. Walking down the sidewalk Gracie comes into full view of her favourite French Cafe in other words her sanctuary next to ballet ofcourse. Gracie as poised as ever takes a seat in the corner and the waiter asks wheather she wants her usual "yes thank you" a hot chocoalte Gracie hates coffee which she finds ironic. She glances at her watch and realises she doesnt want to go home anytime soon due to the fact that its the afternoon and her father would be very much sober. Gracie knows that is a horrible thing to think about your father, but when he is a alcaholic and abusive in every single way she isn't left with much of a choice. Gracie loathes going home and her father but she knows she could never fully hate him, which is why she avoids being home as much as possible spending time with Serena and Blair her two best friends makes her forget or dancing and practicing her ballet which for a brief moment make her escape from the true harsh realities of life. Gracie could never fully comprehend on why her father physically abuses her she blames the alcahol but she knows their isn't anything that she can do about it, to try would be commiting suicide Gracie shudders as she thinks of that word she hates that word. When she was nine years old her own beloved mother comitted suicide and however angry she might be for her mother leaving her with such a monster deep down she understands.

Suddenly a chriping buzz snaps Gracie out of her thoughts looking through her bag for her sidekick, Gracie flips her phone and sees that she has a new text message from blair _need to talk plz com over-B, _sighing Gracie wonders what drama is centering around Blair this time. Gracie finds it amusing that she a girl from a middle class family is close friends with upper east sides most elite group who also happen to be a major target of that Gossip Bitch and she also finds herself a main target as well. To anyone else from the outside her friends would seem snobby and pretentious but Gracie knows better she has seen them live their lives and knows that it whats beneath the surface that counts and that these are just kids living in a cruel world, although if you compare it with hers it doesn't seem all that cruel.

Making her way up in the elevator to Blairs Penthouse, Gracie knows that Blair is either upset about her mother or Nate and both dont sound so appealing or pleasant.

"Hey queen B, whats up"

says Gracie a little to enthusiastically hoping to lighten just a bit of Blairs mood, because a happy Blair is a happy world.

Blair rolls her eyes and instantly knows that something is on Gracies mind as well and that shes just pretending everything is fine after all Blair is the expert in that area.

"ugh you call me that in mock dont you?"

"of course not" Gracie replies a bit to coyly. Letting out another dramatic sigh Blair flips back on her large bed and starts to pour her heart out

"I did it again, I didnt mean for it to happen" says Blair in a tiny soft voice that sounds dare she say it vulnerable and BlairWaldorf does not like to be vulnerable a feeling Gracie knows all to well about. Suddenly Blair realised that more tears were running down her cheeks.

"Oh Blair" Gracie quickly enveloped Blair into a tight embrace and just let her cry.

"What happend, talk to me"

"I dont know I mean my mom just started that talk that I'm not perfect enough" Blair cried

"nobody is perfect Blair least of all your mother if you dont mind me saying so really she shouldn't be talking" Blair laughed softly deep down she knew Gracie was right but she still had the desire to try and be the best she could be to be more loved.

"Hey watta you say we have a girls night in with some classic Audrey films"

"haha you know me well, that sounds great actually I'll call Serena and see if shes not busy with Cedrik and you get the junk"

"hahaha theres the Blair we all love"

Gracie made her way out to tell Dorota to prepare some snacks for them while Blair called Serena. Half an hour later Serena strolled in through the Penthouse with her shiny golden hair flowing freely about her shoulders and both Blair and Gracie realised she was not alone.

"Dan this is a girls night in, I didn't realise you had a--" "GRACIE!!" both Blair and Serena cried in usion, Gracie just shrugged and rolled her eyes. Blair crossed her arms and tapped her foot impatiently "well?"

"its always lovely to see you to Blair" Blair sighed dramatically the way that only a drama queen can get away with.

"I was with Dan when you called and hoestly B you didn't mention it being a girls night in I thought Chuck and Nate would be here"

"yes because we all love Chuck Basses company" said Dan sarcastically it was no secret that Dan and Chuck werent the best of friends.

Gracie had to resist the urge to both roll her eyes at Serena's naivity and laugh at Dan's comment.

"Well I think I have over stayed my visit" said Dan as he was about to leave Serena shot Blair and pleading look

"its fine, I just hope you like classics" said Blair the people in the room seemed shocked "what nows he here, jeez"

"wow never thought that I would see the day that Blair Waldorf would show her human side"

"Shut it Humphrey I can kick you out" Serena glared at her whilst Gracie just smirked.

Throughout the process of Dan and Blair's bickering, Gracie texted for Chuck to come to Blair's she thought it would be less uncomfortable with another male she proved to be wrong the minute he walked in. Chuck casually strolled his way through the aprtment, hands in pocket and signiture smirk in place.

"Ladies, Brooklyn wheres the alcahol" Both Gracie and Serena rolled their eyes

"Ugh Chuck what the hell are you doing here I am not holding a party" huffed Blair

"pretty shitty party if you asked me"

"I told him to come since Dan was here" said Gracie breaking up their bickering at this Chuck had to scoff "yeh like I would ever spend time with Brooklyn" both Serena and Dan glared at him "likewise Chuck" Dan retorded. Chuck rolled his eyes and made his way to Blair

"Besides I also come bearing a message from your prince charming" sneered Chuck at the mention of her prince charming of course Blair's thoughts immediately went to Nate and snapped her into reality. "Nate? what did he say?"

Gracie, Dan and Serena made their way into the living room not wanting to witness one of Blair and Chuck's bickering episodes. Once the hallway had cleared Blair returned her attention to chuck and crossed her arms over her chest and impatience written all over her face "well"

"since you were being so rude I think I would just continue to torture you"

"Chuck" Blair said just a bit to sweetly with a face that said 'dont fuck with me right now' Chuck smirked in answer.

"Your dearest Nathanial informed me to tell you that he will be gone for the remainder of the week to spend some time at his Grandparents house in New Haven"

With that Blair felt like Chuck had just slapped her "WHAT!!" Blair shrieked and Chuck jumped slightly "jesus Waldorf, dont show your bitch to me"

"Why the fuck didnt he just tell me"

"I dont know Blair and dont care" Boredome evident in Chuck's voice. Chuck never fully understood why people even had relationships and be tied up Nathanial was an idiot they havent even slept together yet. He on the one hand loved being a free man just enjoying the endless supply of beautiful woman that graced his bed and booze of course.

"I'm going to call him" said Blair as she made her way up the stairs and still obviuosly fuming.

Chuck made his way to the living room and saw Gracie flicking through the Tv trying to ignore Dan and Serena's make out session

"could you two be anymore nauseouting" said Chuck as he fixed himself a Scotch Dan and Serena pulled apart and Serena blinked innocently

"shut-up Chuck"

Gracie got up and made her way to the bathroom on her way she heard Blair talking to nate and boy did she sound angry 'wouldn't want to be Nate right now' thought Gracie as she closed the bathroom door. Looking at her reflection and the girl that stared back at her was not the girl she pretends to be infront of her friends sure Serena and Blair knew but Chuck, Nate or Dan 'Noo way!' she thinks to herself its already humilating enough that her two best friends know. The girl infornt of her has dead and sad eyes sighing sadly Gracie slowly pulled up her top and winced at the sight. Before her where angry bruises that covered her stomach, back and arms of course her father would only beat her in places where to the outside world it would not be obvious it was her deadleast secret. Trying hard to prevent the tears that are threatening to fall Gracie puts her top back in place and puts on a fake smile to face the world.

_More to come soon next chapter will include Graice and Chuck interacting with each other please review._


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